‫‫‫‫[suspenseful music playing]
‫‫‫‫[yawning]
‫‫‫‫So, what are we doing? Are we just...
‫‫‫‫Do you not see the phone to my ear?
‫‫‫‫-I do, but... ‫‫‫‫-What?
‫‫‫‫-I said, I-- ‫‫‫‫-You think this is some sort of joke?
‫‫‫‫Maybe the one about the interrupting cow?
‫‫‫‫Shut up. Look, I--
‫‫‫‫Listen, you had just ‫‫‫‫better put Mr. VanderTunt
‫‫‫‫on the line this instant!
‫‫‫‫Well, then, go find him.
‫‫‫‫Oh. Well, then--
‫‫‫‫Hello? Ass! ‫‫‫‫Apparently that was your brother.
‫‫‫‫-What? ‫‫‫‫-Cecil?
‫‫‫‫[angry grunting]
‫‫‫‫-Seriously. ‫‫‫‫-And let me guess--
‫‫‫‫-He-- ‫‫‫‫-Let me guess!
‫‫‫‫He said he didn't believe ‫‫‫‫that I'd been kidnapped.
‫‫‫‫Yes, he... Has this happened before?
‫‫‫‫No.
‫‫‫‫-I don't know. ‫‫‫‫-Well, he--
‫‫‫‫-Hey, do you need me for this? ‫‫‫‫-Yes!
‫‫‫‫Because I've been awake ‫‫‫‫for, like, three days.
‫‫‫‫Your point being?
‫‫‫‫I desperately need sleep?
‫‫‫‫You can sleep when you're dead.
‫‫‫‫It may literally come to that.
‫‫‫‫Because Len Trexler is going to be ‫‫‫‫left holding a very empty bag on this.
‫‫‫‫And to make that happen, I need you ‫‫‫‫to drive out to VanderTunt Castle
‫‫‫‫and convince the old man I'll mail ‫‫‫‫her home in several different boxes.
‫‫‫‫-But not really, though, right? ‫‫‫‫-Well...
‫‫‫‫-No! ‫‫‫‫-Well...
‫‫‫‫Look, I can't drive way the hell ‫‫‫‫out there without some sleep.
‫‫‫‫-I... ‫‫‫‫-I have Dexedrine.
‫‫‫‫And the universe provides.
‫‫‫‫Okay, so, once I'm out there,
‫‫‫‫how am I supposed to convince ‫‫‫‫VanderTunt you're serious?
‫‫‫‫Take him a finger.
‫‫‫‫But not one of mine, though, right?
‫‫‫‫-No! ‫‫‫‫-Well...
‫‫‫‫I'm not taking him anybody's finger.
‫‫‫‫-I'm just trying to save you a trip. ‫‫‫‫-How--
‫‫‫‫I mean, you don't want to drive all ‫‫‫‫the way out there just to have him say,
‫‫‫‫"On second thought, to make this happen, ‫‫‫‫we're going to need a finger."
‫‫‫‫Nobody has ever said,
‫‫‫‫"To make this happen, ‫‫‫‫we're going to need a finger."
‫‫‫‫Oh, you'd be surprised.
‫‫‫‫[theme music playing]
‫‫‫‫[Archer] The last thing I wanted ‫‫‫‫to get mixed up in is a kidnapping,
‫‫‫‫even one as phony as a three-dollar bill.
‫‫‫‫Because doing a stretch in jail ‫‫‫‫would be the least of my worries.
‫‫‫‫VanderTunts have enough juice ‫‫‫‫in this town to make sure
‫‫‫‫I never even see the inside of a cell.
‫‫‫‫So I am not looking forward to this.
‫‫‫‫Plus I bet that creepy old joint's ‫‫‫‫as haunted as Mrs. Muir's twat.
‫‫‫‫I know, right?
‫‫‫‫Oh, also, when I said ‫‫‫‫I'd take you to the bus station...
‫‫‫‫[grunting]
‫‫‫‫[Cyril] Typical Archer.
‫‫‫‫Figures he'd be a goddamn slob.
‫‫‫‫I think maybe somebody tossed the place?
‫‫‫‫Oh. Yeah. Maybe.
‫‫‫‫Wonder what they were after.
‫‫‫‫Who knows? ‫‫‫‫Maybe some poor dumb bastard broke in here
‫‫‫‫to steal back the photos ‫‫‫‫of his cheatin' wife gettin'...
‫‫‫‫Sorry.
‫‫‫‫-Why-- ‫‫‫‫-I was gonna say "flap-hammered."
‫‫‫‫Why do you constantly bring that up?
‫‫‫‫-What, Archer hammering your wife? ‫‫‫‫-Yes!
‫‫‫‫-In her flaps? ‫‫‫‫-Yes!
‫‫‫‫[mumbles]
‫‫‫‫Okay. Well, we're not gonna find ‫‫‫‫any clues to lead us
‫‫‫‫to Charlotte VanderTunt ‫‫‫‫in this dump, so let's--
‫‫‫‫Yeah. There's no telling where she is.
‫‫‫‫And if we don't know where she is...
‫‫‫‫It's... frustrating?
‫‫‫‫No. Then nobody knows where she is.
‫‫‫‫Uh-huh?
‫‫‫‫Including her father!
‫‫‫‫Yep.
‫‫‫‫Which means we can just tell him ‫‫‫‫we kidnapped her,
‫‫‫‫collect the ransom ourselves, ‫‫‫‫and then pay off Trexler!
‫‫‫‫Oh. Okay. Yeah.
‫‫‫‫But on some level, ‫‫‫‫it's gotta be pretty frustrating.
‫‫‫‫Not as frustrating as you!
‫‫‫‫In the meantime, she was at Dreamland ‫‫‫‫with Archer the other night.
‫‫‫‫So go snoop around, ‫‫‫‫see if you turn up anything.
‫‫‫‫Besides a cold brewski, am I right?
‫‫‫‫Hello? Yes, VanderTunt Castle, please.
‫‫‫‫Damn it, I don't care ‫‫‫‫if the number's unlisted!
‫‫‫‫This is a police emergency!
‫‫‫‫Thank you.
‫‫‫‫-That worked? ‫‫‫‫-Why are you still here?
‫‫‫‫Yes, hello. This is...
‫‫‫‫[clearing throat] Ze kidnapperz.
‫‫‫‫[clearing throat]
‫‫‫‫Please hold the wire.
‫‫‫‫[suspenseful music playing]
‫‫‫‫[Cecil] I apologize for the heat. ‫‫‫‫It's positively tropical in here.
‫‫‫‫But that's how Father prefers it.
‫‫‫‫Can he hear us?
‫‫‫‫Oh, yes. He's just being rude.
‫‫‫‫Father, say hello ‫‫‫‫to Charlotte's kidnapper.
‫‫‫‫No, I didn't kidnap her.
‫‫‫‫I'm just sort of a go-between.
‫‫‫‫A fine distinction, legally speaking.
‫‫‫‫I know, but, look, I'm just trying ‫‫‫‫to make sure she gets home safely.
‫‫‫‫In exchange for one million dollars.
‫‫‫‫According to the person, or persons, ‫‫‫‫who asked me to deliver the message.
‫‫‫‫Whom I'm sure she's boring senseless ‫‫‫‫with her constant raving about incest.
‫‫‫‫-I wouldn't know about that. ‫‫‫‫-Oh, it's when--
‫‫‫‫I know what it is.
‫‫‫‫Did you know it's forbidden?
‫‫‫‫Everybody knows it's forbidden.
‫‫‫‫Oh, you'd be surpri-- Yes, Pelham?
‫‫‫‫[mouthing words]
‫‫‫‫Mm-hm.
‫‫‫‫Yes, I think a finger should suffice.
‫‫‫‫Oh, is he taking drink orders?
‫‫‫‫'Cause I could go for ‫‫‫‫a couple of fingers of Old Buncombe.
‫‫‫‫Like, a whole handful.
‫‫‫‫At 7:00 a.m., you care for bourbon.
‫‫‫‫-Deeply. ‫‫‫‫-Very well.
‫‫‫‫Finish your call, Pelham, ‫‫‫‫and then Mr. Archer needs a drink.
‫‫‫‫I hate to say "need."
‫‫‫‫-Well... ‫‫‫‫-Yeah.
‫‫‫‫Pelham has had the most ‫‫‫‫interesting telephone call.
‫‫‫‫Tell me, Mr. Archer, does, or do,
‫‫‫‫your person, or persons, ‫‫‫‫possess an accent vaguely Germanic?
‫‫‫‫That's pretty confusing, but no.
‫‫‫‫Most confusing, yes, because such a person ‫‫‫‫is on the telephone just now,
‫‫‫‫claiming that he is the kidnapper.
‫‫‫‫"He"? I mean, what? That's impossible.
‫‫‫‫Yes, even Charlotte isn't stupid enough
‫‫‫‫to get herself kidnapped ‫‫‫‫by two different kidnappers at once.
‫‫‫‫-Well... ‫‫‫‫-Which means one of you is lying.
‫‫‫‫So I'm afraid I shall have to ask ‫‫‫‫for proof you actually have Charlotte.
‫‫‫‫What kind of... Wait. Oh, no.
‫‫‫‫Yes. I'm afraid I require... a finger.
‫‫‫‫I could bring you her.
‫‫‫‫Just drive by the house. ‫‫‫‫She can wave to you.
‫‫‫‫Uh...
‫‫‫‫-No. ‫‫‫‫-I...
‫‫‫‫That's... Then how about a photo of her ‫‫‫‫holding today's newspaper?
‫‫‫‫Uh...
‫‫‫‫-Well, now, that could work. ‫‫‫‫-Yeah, it's...
‫‫‫‫Just make sure that she's holding ‫‫‫‫the newspaper with nine fingers.
‫‫‫‫-Goddamn it. ‫‫‫‫-Well, actually seven.
‫‫‫‫-What? ‫‫‫‫-You know, not counting her thumbs.
‫‫‫‫And then, obviously, ‫‫‫‫bring me her severed finger
‫‫‫‫and the photograph ‫‫‫‫so that I may compare the two.
‫‫‫‫[sighs] Yeah. Obviously.
‫‫‫‫Father, say goodbye ‫‫‫‫to Charlotte's ostensible kidnapper!
‫‫‫‫So I guess that's a no on the bourbon?
‫‫‫‫Yes. Goodbye.
‫‫‫‫Ah!
‫‫‫‫Where the hell ‫‫‫‫am I supposed to find a finger?
‫‫‫‫[Dutch] Hello? Hello?
‫‫‫‫Hey, listen to me. Whoever you are,
‫‫‫‫and whatever this whole thing is, ‫‫‫‫I don't want it.
‫‫‫‫Well, I'm very sorry to hear that.
‫‫‫‫-Well, too bad, because-- ‫‫‫‫-Because you're getting it,
‫‫‫‫whether you want it or not.
‫‫‫‫So, let's get to it, shall we?
‫‫‫‫No. Look, listen.
‫‫‫‫I didn't know, okay?
‫‫‫‫I thought this was gonna be, like, ‫‫‫‫some pull-on fake feet, man, not--
‫‫‫‫Oh, sweet Jesus Lord God Christ, ‫‫‫‫not some freaky metal robot legs!
‫‫‫‫[cat purring]
‫‫‫‫That'll do, Schnuckiputzi.
‫‫‫‫And also, it's not just the legs.
‫‫‫‫No, you crazy Kraut bastard, ‫‫‫‫I don't want any part of those parts!
‫‫‫‫But your employer, Mr. Trexler, does.
‫‫‫‫It's not his body!
‫‫‫‫Look, I'm just following orders.
‫‫‫‫What? That's what the Nazis said!
‫‫‫‫Okay, yeah, tell me about Nazis.
‫‫‫‫[groaning]
‫‫‫‫What is taking so long?
‫‫‫‫Berlin ‫‫‫‫Autumn 1943
‫‫‫‫Well, it's difficult to say, General.
‫‫‫‫We're in... ‫‫‫‫completely uncharted territory.
‫‫‫‫Soon the Allies will invade ‫‫‫‫Fortress Europe,
‫‫‫‫and the Fuhrer wants his army ‫‫‫‫of Robot Supermen ready...
‫‫‫‫To smash them back into ‫‫‫‫the English Channel!
‫‫‫‫Yes, sir, of course, but...
‫‫‫‫But what? You have been working ‫‫‫‫three years on the project!
‫‫‫‫What do you have, here, today, to show us?
‫‫‫‫Ummmm...
‫‫‫‫Yesterday she caught a mouse.
‫‫‫‫[meowing]
‫‫‫‫I said, that will do!
‫‫‫‫[funky music playing]
‫‫‫‫Mmm... Mmm...
‫‫‫‫What a load of shit.
‫‫‫‫I should be looking ‫‫‫‫for my partner's killer,
‫‫‫‫but instead I'm looking for a damn finger.
‫‫‫‫[tires screeching]
‫‫‫‫[burping]
‫‫‫‫[woman grunting]
‫‫‫‫[humming]
‫‫‫‫[sawing]
‫‫‫‫[humming]
‫‫‫‫He gave his legs for the Fatherland.
‫‫‫‫[siren blaring]
‫‫‫‫[sighing]
‫‫‫‫No, he gave them to a land mine.
‫‫‫‫But you will give him new ones.
‫‫‫‫And if he doesn't die of systemic shock--
‫‫‫‫Like all the others before him...
‫‫‫‫He will once again fight for Germany!
‫‫‫‫[sighing]
‫‫‫‫Hooray.
‫‫‫‫[Mother] Well,
‫‫‫‫-I hate to say I told you so. ‫‫‫‫-Do you?
‫‫‫‫No. It's one of the few ‫‫‫‫great pleasures in life.
‫‫‫‫-Hang on. Do you live in here? ‫‫‫‫-No, you ass!
‫‫‫‫I live in the ten-room ‫‫‫‫penthouse apartment upstairs.
‫‫‫‫Oh. You don't happen to have a bunch ‫‫‫‫of surplus fingers up there, do ya?
‫‫‫‫-What do you think? ‫‫‫‫-Honestly?
‫‫‫‫Hardy-har-har.
‫‫‫‫If you need a finger, just take one.
‫‫‫‫But-- No, I'm not cutting off her...
‫‫‫‫[snoring]
‫‫‫‫Man, that septum is deviated, huh?
‫‫‫‫That's not her.
‫‫‫‫[snoring]
‫‫‫‫Poovey?
‫‫‫‫Mm hm. Tried to break into the club ‫‫‫‫first thing this morning.
‫‫‫‫I assume looking ‫‫‫‫for Drooling Beauty over there.
‫‫‫‫Yeah, you really threw a monkey wrench ‫‫‫‫into Figgis' plan.
‫‫‫‫-His plan? ‫‫‫‫-Yeah, to ransom her off.
‫‫‫‫-Why? ‫‫‫‫-Wh-- To pay back Trexler.
‫‫‫‫-For what? ‫‫‫‫-What are you--
‫‫‫‫For the sex slaves Trexler was gonna--
‫‫‫‫Oh, I get it!
‫‫‫‫-Do you? ‫‫‫‫-You're saying this is all my fault.
‫‫‫‫-Isn't it? ‫‫‫‫-I-- Look, this whole fiasco started
‫‫‫‫because I came to you for help!
‫‫‫‫Exactly. Whose fault is that?
‫‫‫‫Son of a... That is so...
‫‫‫‫So now I gotta go find a goddamn finger?
‫‫‫‫And if I were you, ‫‫‫‫I'd take one of her rings to put on it.
‫‫‫‫They say the devil's in the details.
‫‫‫‫-And silk pajamas. ‫‫‫‫-What?
‫‫‫‫-Get up, you lummox! ‫‫‫‫-Huh?
‫‫‫‫Wuzza... What the... Archer?
‫‫‫‫Get up, dummy. We gotta go.
‫‫‫‫You better pray to God ‫‫‫‫it wasn't you who hit me,
‫‫‫‫because whoever it was...
‫‫‫‫Hits like a weak little bitch of a girl,
‫‫‫‫who was born with some kind of ‫‫‫‫little bitch of a birth defect,
‫‫‫‫so that instead of a fist, she just ‫‫‫‫has this tiny little bitch of a...
‫‫‫‫nubbin.
‫‫‫‫And I guess I'll drive, ‫‫‫‫since you clearly have a concussion.
‫‫‫‫Yeah, not feeling great.
‫‫‫‫[gulping]
‫‫‫‫You know you're killing me, right?
‫‫‫‫Sorry, are you talking to me, or just ‫‫‫‫meat-stuffed intestines in general?
‫‫‫‫Figgis is counting on that ransom money.
‫‫‫‫-I can't double-cross him again. ‫‫‫‫-Why not?
‫‫‫‫Because if he finds out, somebody's ‫‫‫‫gonna find me in a hole in the desert.
‫‫‫‫[chuckling]
‫‫‫‫-No, they're not. ‫‫‫‫-Exactly!
‫‫‫‫Look, it's your own fault for doing right ‫‫‫‫by all those Chinese broads.
‫‫‫‫-Talk about no good deed. ‫‫‫‫-It was a good deed.
‫‫‫‫And now I need you ‫‫‫‫to help me do another good deed.
‫‫‫‫Defraud an old man out of a million ‫‫‫‫dollars using a severed human finger.
‫‫‫‫And reunite a family.
‫‫‫‫Of daughter and sister-bangers.
‫‫‫‫Alleged daughter and sister-bangers.
‫‫‫‫Well, let's go to the morgue.
‫‫‫‫That's the spirit.
‫‫‫‫[burping]
‫‫‫‫Excuse me?
‫‫‫‫I said, I'm looking for a corpse.
‫‫‫‫White, female, mid-30s, ‫‫‫‫fresh, within, say, the last 12 hours.
‫‫‫‫Jesus Christ, every full moon.
‫‫‫‫Beat it, ya sicko, before I call the cops.
‫‫‫‫I am the cops, asshole! ‫‫‫‫I'm working a missing persons!
‫‫‫‫Well, maybe lead with that, huh?
‫‫‫‫Just buzz me in, ya hump.
‫‫‫‫[buzzing]
‫‫‫‫[burping]
‫‫Jesus Christ.
‫‫‫‫-What is it, National Hot Dog Day? ‫‫‫‫-No.
‫‫‫‫-There isn't one. ‫‫‫‫-Yet!
‫‫‫‫-Can you... ‫‫‫‫-Oh, right. LAPD. We're looking for a--
‫‫‫‫Missing persons, yeah. ‫‫‫‫White female, 30s, brand-newly deceased.
‫‫‫‫Your jerk-off partner's ‫‫‫‫already back there.
‫‫‫‫Our what?
‫‫‫‫Eyeglasses, dark hair, ‫‫‫‫gray at the temples,
‫‫‫‫mouth like somebody used a tomato capper ‫‫‫‫to scoop out a pig's asshole
‫‫‫‫and glued it under his nose?
‫‫‫‫Aw, shit!
‫‫‫‫[buzzing]
‫‫‫‫Are you nuts?
‫‫‫‫-Do you wanna get caught? ‫‫‫‫-We're not gonna get caught.
‫‫‫‫Now shut up, put these on, ‫‫‫‫and follow my lead.
‫‫‫‫[Poovey] Aw, jeez. He's really doing it.
‫‫‫‫[sighing]
‫‫‫‫Sorry, lady.
‫‫‫‫But if you think about it, ‫‫‫‫which I guess you can't,
‫‫‫‫this whole thing is Archer's fault, so...
‫‫‫‫Will you get in position?
‫‫‫‫Okay! Jesus!
‫‫‫‫Okay. Jesus.
‫‫‫‫On one, two...
‫‫‫‫[whining]
‫‫‫‫-[Archer] Great Scott! ‫‫‫‫-Wha--
‫‫‫‫Don't you move, you sick bugger!
‫‫‫‫No-- This isn't-- I can explain.
‫‫‫‫You're damn right you will-- ‫‫‫‫to the bobbies!
‫‫‫‫By which I mean the police!
‫‫‫‫I am the police.
‫‫‫‫[Archer] Well?
‫‫‫‫Well, wha--
‫‫‫‫Holy shit! I can't believe I did that!
‫‫‫‫I can't believe it took you so damn long.
‫‫‫‫What, are you hourly?
‫‫‫‫-[Poovey] No. ‫‫‫‫-Wh--
‫‫‫‫Where the hell did you get that?
‫‫‫‫It was just sitting there.
‫‫‫‫That could've been inside somebody.
‫‫‫‫[munching]
‫‫‫‫Well, it is now.
‫‫‫‫[burping]
‫‫‫‫[Archer] Anything. Whatever. A little box.
‫‫‫‫[Poovey] ‫‫‫‫Aren't we supposed to put it in milk?
‫‫‫‫But-- That's for a tooth, dummy,
‫‫‫‫if you're gonna put it back in somebody.
‫‫‫‫Yeah, that makes more sense.
‫‫‫‫Now, what are we gonna do about him?
‫‫‫‫I actually have some thoughts on that.
‫‫‫‫He'll freeze to death in there!
‫‫‫‫No, he won't. ‫‫‫‫I'll call them in, like, half an hour.
‫‫‫‫-Oh. Wait, wait, wait, wait. ‫‫‫‫-What?
‫‫‫‫[laughing]
‫‫‫‫Strip him.
‫‫‫‫Really wish we hadn't have done that.
‫‫‫‫I can never unsee him naked.
‫‫‫‫I mean, the size of that thing.
‫‫‫‫Hollow that big bastard out, ‫‫‫‫you could use it for an umbrella stand.
‫‫‫‫[munching]
‫‫‫‫-Goddamn it! ‫‫‫‫-What?
‫‫‫‫[Cecil] Oh, I suppose I'm just surprised.
‫‫‫‫Why? You said you wanted her finger,
‫‫‫‫so, you know, here's her finger.
‫‫‫‫-It's really in there? ‫‫‫‫-See for yourself.
‫‫‫‫Um...
‫‫‫‫-No. ‫‫‫‫-I'm sorry?
‫‫‫‫-I trust you. ‫‫‫‫-What?
‫‫‫‫Unless...
‫‫‫‫Father, do you wanna see ‫‫‫‫Charlotte's ostensible severed finger?
‫‫‫‫No. We're good.
‫‫‫‫Are you-- This could be anything!
‫‫‫‫It could be a piece of a hot dog!
‫‫‫‫-Ew! ‫‫‫‫-Don't you start!
‫‫‫‫You say it's her finger, ‫‫‫‫I take you at your word.
‫‫‫‫And I assume you'll be in touch shortly ‫‫‫‫with complicated instructions
‫‫‫‫for the exchange of the ransom money ‫‫‫‫for my horrible sister?
‫‫‫‫I mean...
‫‫‫‫Good. Then it's all settled.
‫‫‫‫Yeah. I guess.
‫‫‫‫I'll expect the ransom within 24 hours, ‫‫‫‫so you'll see to that.
‫‫‫‫But-- And then you're gonna help me ‫‫‫‫find my partner's killer, right?
‫‫‫‫All in good time, Mr. Archer.
‫‫‫‫Right.
‫‫‫‫[yawning]
‫‫‫‫Is it just me...
‫‫‫‫Or does it smell like finger?
‫‫‫‫Almost there.
‫‫‫‫So close.
‫‫‫‫[suspenseful music playing]
‫‫‫‫It sounds so close...
‫‫‫‫And also to the east, which means--
‫‫‫‫The Russians. So all is lost.
‫‫‫‫You should leave now, and go west. ‫‫‫‫You will be safe with the Americans.
‫‫‫‫I would never leave you.
‫‫‫‫What?
‫‫‫‫I love you! Don't you know that?
‫‫‫‫And I love you too, but...
‫‫‫‫Doctor? I'm sorry. He's gone.
‫‫‫‫The damn systemic shock!
‫‫‫‫The only problem we could never solve!
‫‫‫‫[sighs]
‫‫‫‫Well, at least he won't have to see ‫‫‫‫the Russian Army march into Berlin.
‫‫‫‫Nor will you, Doctor...
‫‫‫‫General, what a surprise.
‫‫‫‫[laughing] ‫‫‫‫Yes, it has been a day for surprises.
‫‫‫‫But no surprise there, I assume?
‫‫‫‫No, we lost him to systemic shock. ‫‫‫‫I could never find a solution.
‫‫‫‫Now that... that is a surprise.
‫‫‫‫Especially for ‫‫‫‫a brilliant scientist like...
‫‫‫‫Aaron Leibowitz!
‫‫‫‫[gasping]
‫‫‫‫Yes, by all accounts young ‫‫‫‫Leibowitz was brilliant indeed.
‫‫‫‫Adored by his students ‫‫‫‫at Hamburg Polytechnic,
‫‫‫‫admired by his colleagues, but then...
‫‫‫‫In 1933 he was forced to resign ‫‫‫‫his position.
‫‫‫‫Because he was a Jew.
‫‫‫‫And then, according to our records, ‫‫‫‫young Leibowitz died of tuberculosis.
‫‫‫‫Only to be reborn as Doctor Krieger. ‫‫‫‫False papers for my birth, education,
‫‫‫‫then it was easy enough to secure ‫‫‫‫a position in the robotics program.
‫‫‫‫And then to convince the Fuhrer ‫‫‫‫to finance this foolishness!
‫‫‫‫Robot super-soldiers!
‫‫‫‫My God, you fool, you barely ‫‫‫‫even made a robot cat!
‫‫‫‫Meow?
‫‫‫‫I did create super-soldiers! ‫‫‫‫And they would have been unstoppable!
‫‫‫‫But they all died of systemic shock...
‫‫‫‫No, they all died ‫‫‫‫from carbolic acid injections.
‫‫‫‫What?
‫‫‫‫My God, the wasted lives!
‫‫‫‫Lives? The wasted money? ‫‫‫‫My God, you must have wasted millions!
‫‫‫‫Yes! And every penny wasted was ‫‫‫‫a penny not spent on rifles!
‫‫‫‫On bullets! On bombs!
‫‫‫‫On coal to send the freezing ‫‫‫‫cattle cars to the east!
‫‫‫‫Yes, yes, cue the violins...
‫‫‫‫Do you have anything else to add?
‫‫‫‫Only that I didn't just make cats.
‫‫‫‫What?
‫‫‫‫[suspenseful music playing]
‫‫‫‫[snarling]
‫‫‫‫[all] My God! God in heaven! ‫‫‫‫Help me! Devil-dogs!
‫‫‫‫Yeah, right?
‫‫‫‫Action!
‫‫‫‫[screaming]
‫‫‫‫[dogs snarling]
‫‫‫‫[meowing]
‫‫‫‫Holy shit...
‫‫‫‫[whimpering]
‫‫‫‫I'm sorry you had to see that...
‫‫‫‫[artillery fire]
‫‫‫‫But we should go. ‫‫‫‫The Russians will be here soon.
‫‫‫‫Ha! I would prefer the Russians ‫‫‫‫to a filthy Jew like you!
‫‫‫‫[artillery burst closer]
‫‫‫‫Seriously?
‫‫‫‫Well then, um...
‫‫‫‫Action?
‫‫‫‫[women screaming] ‫‫‫‫[dogs snarling]
‫‫‫‫Here, kitty!
‫‫‫‫[cat meowing and purring]
‫‫‫‫Yeah, you're just a widdle whore ‫‫‫‫for the cuddles, huh?
‫‫‫‫Okay, I gotta get some sleep.
‫‫‫‫You be a good girl. Who's a good girl?
‫‫‫‫Yeah, you're a good girl.
‫‫‫‫[suspenseful music playing]
‫‫‫‫[whirring]
‫‫‫‫[chuckling]
‫‫‫‫[laughing]
‫‫‫‫[theme music playing]